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Virulent Viral Virus

“I’m sorry. You have a VIRUS. Take two of these and call me in the morning.”

Words you always dreaded hearing, especially as a child. I thought of something today though that kind of shocked me. For every time we missed trick or treating on Halloween as a kid, every birthday party, and every date because of the dreaded virus nothing ever good came out of them. Did we ever get infected when we had something unpleasant to do? No. Did we ever come down with Dengue fever when we were supposed to visit Aunt Mildred for a week? No. Did we ever mysteriously break out with a nasty case of Rotavirus right before detention? No. Did we ever end up with hand foot and mouth disease (don’t ask me, I pulled it off a list of viral infections) right before we were supposed to go to the dentist to have braces put on? No

Life’s just not that fair.

If infectious diseases weren’t a bitch by themselves. Once the computer generation hit, guess what we feared most? Yup, viruses. Viruses have had a shit rap since they day whosawhatchis saw the first one through a microscope so very very very long ago. If I cared enough I woulda googled the info and posted it in this here shiny blog post. I don’t. Feel free to do so on your own tho! Tell  you what. First person to find out the info and comment here gets a free pdf of my book Origins. If you’ve already read it, pick one of the other two and I’ll send you a copy of those instead. If you’ve read all three of them….well then you need a hobby.

So what’s the point of this blog today? Think of me as Chuck Lorre. I know everybody is jumping on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, but everybody is missing the point. Charlie Sheen is a drugged up coke head drunk who’s funny when he’s shitfaced. Newsflash. So am I. Pay me three million dollars for a half hour worth of work would you? BI STUPID! No, everybody fails to acknowledge that the words popping out of the disease ridden mouth of Charlie Sheen flowed from the pen of Chuck Lorre. Anyway I digress.

The point of this blog wasn’t to poke fun of the Sheenster or Chuck Lorre. The point of this blog was to point out one simple thing. Everybody has feared viruses since the beginning of time. Now, with the onset of the internot, (Yes, I said internot. It’s what I call it. Get over it) everybody and their mother is running around with a cell phone video camera, praying to go VIRAL? WTF? Couldn’t we have come up with a better name and left the viral connotations as something icky? Why didn’t they go with mitosis? Cell division happens almost as quickly as viral infection and doesn’t leave the host with green crap oozin out of their orifaces. I guess “I hope this video goes mitosis!” just isn’t as catchy.


Anyhoo, I hope as always you enjoyed my post (hehehe, that sounds naughty) OH And don’t even get me started on the word blog! In the meantime, I’ll just be sitting here praying to God that my book goes viral. Or mitosis. Or whatever.

Peace out twitches.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. March 29, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    HAHAHA I loved this and you bring up a Very good point! Gotta love how language changes though, eh? 😉

    Ohhh and it seems that I’m one of those folks that needs a life so I didn’t bother to google the whosawhathit’s name either.

    Thanks for the laugh, today!

    • March 29, 2011 at 3:58 pm

      MY PLEASURE! HI BECKY! ~waves from Florida~

  2. March 29, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    LMAO – I’ll pray your book goes Mitosis too.


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