Home > Uncategorized > WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!!! A-B


We’ve grown up on em. Sometimes we work them into everyday conversations without realizing it. Some people base a good portion of their conversations around them (much to the dismay of those around them). Some of them have been around since the beginning of the spoken word. Others made their way into our language around the time of the printed word. They each have distinct meanings. The problem is we have no idea what they are!

I’m talking about……(drumroll)


Just for shiggles, I thought I’d put together a list of some of my favorites, what they really mean, or even just my thoughts on them. I hope you enjoy!

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush-Possibly my favorite wtf saying. How the fuck do you place a monetary value on possible avian locations? Why could there possibly be a difference? Chances are the bird in your hand might be dead…Are dead birds worth more than live birds? WTF?

A chain is no stronger than its weakest link-Okay, this one pisses me off sometimes. I get the whole theory behind the saying, but last time I went to the depot, all the links looked the fucking same to me. Just sayin! Maybe we should change this to “A big chain is stronger than an itty bitty chain”. Makes more sense to me.

A clear conscience is more valuable than wealth-Bullshit. That’s just dumb. When I’m rich, I’ll hire a fucking therapist. Until then, “Yoohoo, Father Mulcahey!”

A friend in need is a friend indeed-Uh, a friend in need is a “pain in the ass.” How come some of these assholes only call you when they need help moving? I ain’t seen you since High School but the minute you move across town, you find my fucking number!

A gentle hand may lead even an elephant by a hair-Um, Hello! You can lead anything by a hair, that shit hurts when you pull it.

A house divided cannot stand-Okay Mr. Smartypants, what the fuck is a duplex?

A man who desires revenge should dig two graves-Ya, one for the sonofabitch who did it, and one for his cheatin’ ex wife. Just sayin.

A miser is like a person with bread who is starving-So misers are on the Atkins Diet? Wtf.

A penny for your thoughts-Um, my therapist charges  like $100. Apparently his ass didn’t get the memo. Sumbitch.

Be careful what you ask for; you may get it-Well I should fucking hope so. Dumbass.

Be it ever so humble there’s no place like home-Cept Disney World. Just sayin.

Be true to yourself-Bullshit. I lie to myself whenever possible.

Beauty is only skin deep-Naw. You got some perdy kidneys. Wtf, of course it is.

Beggars can’t be choosers-Um, they chose which federal aid programs to apply for? See, dumb.

Better late than never-DOES NOT APPLY TO IN-LAWS (needs legal disclaimer)

Better to give than to receive-I beg to fuckin differ. Specially at Christmas.

Beware of the person with two faces-Now you know why I avoid the circus. That’s just creepy.

Beware the Greeks bearing gifts-bullshit. They have baklava!

Birds of a feather, flock together-They do other things that sound like “flock” too. Just sayin

Blood is thicker than water-Unless your blood alcohol level is .12 or higher.

Brains are better than brawn-Until its fucking time to open that shiny new jar of pickles.

Buyer beware-has been replaced by “Be sure to ask for a CarFax report.

By crawling, a child learns to stand-Bullshit. That’s how I got home Saturday night. Just sayin.

Well That’s enough of that for one day. I shall be diligent in finishing my list all the way to the letter z. Although I cant see that many “Old Sayings” starting with the letter “Z”. Unless its some shit about a zebra, so who the fuck cares.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. April 22, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Excellent. You need your own show, my friend!

    • April 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      I keep callin Hollywood. Elitist bastards.

  2. April 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm


  3. April 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm


  4. April 24, 2011 at 12:22 am


    Thanks Sean.


  5. Dori Estabrook
    April 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

    I have now dubbed thee the new Walter. (Jeff Dunham)

    You have made my day. If I find a Z I’ll let you know.

  6. Arcadia
    June 7, 2011 at 9:43 am

    I love it! I put “Today’s top stories” in Google and this is what popped up, LOL! It was a great start to my day 🙂

    I must check out your blog often. Can’t wait to see what you can do with “No man is an island” and “Cold day in Hell”.

    You should have your own show!

    • June 7, 2011 at 9:48 am

      I keep telling NBC. They said it would be a cold day in hell!

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