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Necessary Evils

How many Lit Agents to screw in a lightbulb? None, because you won’t be able to get them to read the directions.

Okay. I’ll admit it. It was a cheap shot, but I took it 😛

Unfortunately,  as much as I bitch about Lit Agents, I want one. I want one bad. I’ve accepted that they are a NECESSARY EVIL. Bwhahahaha. Sounds ominous, don’t it? Truth is, and I hate to admit it, the odds of making your name on the New York Times Besteller List without one is about as good as safely running through the set of The Biggest Loser with Shake and Bake Pork Chops tied to your waist. Just not gonna happen. Nosireebob.

So how do you get an agent?

No, I’m not here to tell you. I’m friggin asking. I haven’t got a clue. When I was unpublished and tried I couldn’t even get an agent to read my manuscript. As soon as the query hit their inbox, I received an automated “YOU SUCK, GO AWAY” response. I tried not to take it to personally and required minimal therapy sessions to combat the sense of worthlessness it instilled in my psyche.

So. I waited. I published and contracted numerous things and then wrote the first book of a NEW series. Instead of writing for adults, I chose a younger audience this time. I made it a YA Urban Fantasy/Romance. The first book is called, My Soul to Keep. The series title is The Soul Survivor Series. Catchy ain’t it? I thought so. Anyhoo, it’s about a teen kid who sells his soul for his fondest wish. The Fallen come to take him up on his offer and in a moment of self soul preservation he does the only thing he can think of. Wishes to be one of the Fallen. Nobody is too happy about his moment of brilliance either. Things get out of control and he falls in love with Jessie. Jessie even has a few secrets of her own and falls in love with the main character because even though she’s blind, he doesn’t treat her as disabled.

So. Story written. Let me query some agents again! Surely now that I’m published, they’ll at least take a LOOK right? Maybe a gander? Might even graze through it I’m sure. Hey you. Reading this blog post! Yes you. Would you do me a favor? Find a big rock and bash my skull in and put me out of my literary nightmare would you? ~Insert hysterical maniacal laughter here~

Yeah, not having much luck again. To say the least. Two agents requested partials this time. One said no, the other never responded. The only person who’s going to get rich out of this is my therapist. I could handle being rejected when nobody took the time to read an unpublished author. Now this is starting to gnaw away at the nerve bundles connecting my brain to my spinal column. If you’re walking down the street and see a guy with long hair whose brain suddenly slips out of his nose and lands on the street, be sure to say, “Hi, Sean.”

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. June 22, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    I feel your pain and am on the journey with you. Recently, I’ve been asked for a partial and a full and not yet made it to acceptance. You’re right, agents are the way to the major bestseller lists. Once I figure out how to land one, I’ll share and it’ll only cost you a cookie or two.

  2. June 24, 2011 at 9:18 am

    I feel your pain. I’m not published, but my manuscript did win a fairly major writing award; still no dice. I at least got one guy to READ it before saying “you suck, go away.”

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