Home > Uncategorized > WTF Does That Mean?!! I-J

WTF Does That Mean?!! I-J

Ladies and gentlemen, here it is. I through J. I know you’ve been waiting. I know a whole bunch of people have been throwing wise old sayings at you and you’ve been scratching your head saying, “WTF?”

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. – This ones simple. Keep buying lottery tickets.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. – Know what? If it is broke, find the duct tape.

If not today–when? –Um, Tomorrow? That’s when I usually schedule everything.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. – Never ceases to amaze me how many of these stupid sayings involve hammers and nails. I mean really? They couldn’t come up with something better? How bout, “If the only tool you have is a 7/16ths open ended wrench, every problem is a nut?”

If the shoe fits, wear it. – Um, that’s kind of gross. I ain’t wearing other peoples shoes. I cringe at the bowling alley. I mean what if the guy forgot to spray the shoes with lysol when the last sweaty redneck turned them in? Ewwwwww.

If you believe everything you read, better not read. – Yeah. Watch TV. Much safer. Specially FOX news. They never tell half truths or blatant lies. Right?

If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all. – ~Silence~

If you can’t serve, you can’t rule.- I’m willing to give it a shot. Just sayin. World domination is a hobby of mine.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. – I’ll remember to use this one when I end up in hell. Um, Mr. Satan? It’s too hot. Can I go now?

If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. – Warning. Do not follow this advice when at funerals. Irish Wakes, Yes. Not funerals.

If you don’t want trouble, don’t go looking for it. – Okay. I followed this advice. It’s bullshit. Trouble finds me on a daily basis. Just sayin.

If you follow a fool, you are a fool yourself. –What if you elect one? Does that count?

If you want something done right, do it yourself. – Unless you’re lazy. Then just keep bitching until they do it right. If that doesn’t work, withhold their check.

If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it. – Unless you have a high powered sniper rifle with a 20mph westerly crosswind. Then aim a little to the right.

If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up.- Please do not show this saying to Kirstie Alley’s dance partner. (I apologize in advance for this comment. I am a large man myself and he who lives in glass houses…should wear a towel when getting out of the shower)

Judge not, lest ye be judged. – This is ESPECIALLY true when circuit court judges get caught with prostitutes.

Just because everybody’s doing something, doesn’t mean it’s right. – This was on the list but “If everybody jumped off a bridge…” WASN’T? WTF? I believe this phrase was coined by Democrats about Republicans. Or the other way around.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. June 25, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Sean, I do live for your posts! I must not have much of a life, now do I? LOL!!!!!

    • June 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm

      You dont?! Lol. I write the crap…

  2. June 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Haha Sean – made me think of radical authenticity.

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