Home > Insane Ramblings of an Incoherent Mind > The Day the Music Died

The Day the Music Died


Okay, I’m a writer. This blog is usually about writing. Writing is what I do. I have not, am not, nor will I ever be a musician. I have perfect pitch, but I can’t sing, I can’t dance, and I can’t rock and roll. The last thing on this earth I have the patience to learn is an instrument.  (okay it’s more of a lack of attention span rather than patience, I can fiddle with several instruments, but play none.)

I will tell you this though. Music always has been and always will be a major point in my life. I associate key points in my own personal history to music (when I graduated HS, this was my favorite song. When my son was born, this was my favorite song, etc.) When I write, I ALWAYS have my earbuds in  and am usually jamming to Metallica, Ozzy, Guns n’ Roses, etc. It’s a fact. I love music.

My question to you is why do people insist on consistently taking away our music? Remember when we were young(er)? There were fifteen million radio stations playing awesome music simultaneously. Those were good times right? Yeah. They were. Happy sigh.

Now.

We have talk radio. Blog radio. Douchebag assholes who want to tell the government how to run the government from behind a microphone, Shock jocks, jock straps, and asshat morning shows that TRY (and I can not stress the word try enough) to be funny. It’s sick. I have 8 presets on my radio I constantly flip between until I find ONE GODDAMN STATION playing a song. Shit. I caught myself listening to Duran Duran the other morning, JUST BECAUSE NOBODY WAS FUCKING TALKING. When I’m in my car. I don’t want to listen to a conversation. If i did. I’d buy a fucking bluetooth and spend the ride on the phone. Right?

It kinda pains me. I live in South Florida, but I was raised in Chicago. Chicago had awesome stations. South Florida not so much, but even years ago they were better than the crap they are pumping out now. The two major stations are competing for “who has the best morning show”. Newsflash. They both suck. The one station caters to soccer mom’s who want to feel younger by listening to bubble gum bullshit pop. Their DJ’s include a middle aged man from Iowa or Ohio or some shit. Some, breast implanted hag from Louisiana who should have spent the money on her face, and moron that they pay to do all the dangerous bits. Like eating his way out of a pool filled with popcorn. (This didn’t end well, he ended up in the hospital. Shucky darn.) Now you want to hear the funny part about this show? I have a 9 year old daughter. Her favorite show in the universe is iCarly. A little teeny show on Nickelodeon. Now I won’t admit to liking this show (even though there are humorous parts thrown in), but what kills me is this. Caelyn and I watch an episode of iCarly. They do some stupid stunt. The next day, the buttplugs on the radio show are doing the same thing (being hoisted into a tree by their underpants). Surely this must be a coincidence? Right?  I laughed it off and figured it was. Until the second day. And the third day. WTF? You’re stealing bits and shit from a kids show? Really? Yeah. I don’t listen anymore.

The other station is a harder rock station. When they play music, they’re pretty cool. Their morning show? Yeah. Sucks ass, too. Years ago they had a good one with a decent guy who played really kick ass music. Then they wanted to have a syndicated morning show. Went to Stern who went to satellite. (Thank god, I fucking HATE Howard Stern) So after that they went through a slew of syndicated morning shows. The people spoke, they wanted a local morning show. The radio show listened. And still managed to fuck it up. They brought two of their former DJ’s back for a morning show (two DJ’s that were fired for being drug addicted douchebags I believe. Good Choice Guys). Once they were in and settled for a week, they brought in a blond girl who was DJ’ing in Tennessee or some shit like that. Yeah. Her voice…Broken glass in a cement mixer with a cat thrown in for good measure. Oh. And she’s stupid. We’re talking the brunt of every blond joke known to man. But the type that makes you not feel bad for telling the joke. Anyhoo. She’s engaged, the main Dj is married. Main DJ gets divorce. Other guy DJ gets transferred to afternoons. Blond bimbo calls off wedding. Main DJ proposes on air. She accepts. Two fucking weeks later they’re married and she’s calling his kids her kids and now she’s pregnant. Now people. Don’t get me wrong. It happens. People fall in love. People get married. But you know what? You’re on the radio. Keep it private. Now they play no music, do dumb ass bits like “Guess how much my pregnant wife weighs today, and are so stupid they just grate on that one nerve in the back of my neck that is connected to my eyelid. I twitch on my drive into work in the morning.

Now.

Lets talk about

MTFV. Yes I typed that right. MUSIC TELEFUCKINGVISION. Hey. ASSHOLES. MUSIC TELEVISION. WHERE’S the FUCKING MUSIC? I want my goddamn MTV back. I’m tired of watching videos and listening to music on fucking youtube. I want Adam Curry’s fucking hair back on my goddamn televsion. I want to ogle MARTHA QUIN and listen to VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR. I DON’T want to watch some shit ass show about fucking steroid junkies who do laundry, drink, and sleep in tanning booths. I don’t want to watch any shows about pregnant 16 year old girls (Did you know that girls are actually TRYING to get pregnant so they can get on this show? Nice Eh?) So let’s do this MTV. Change either your NAME or your PROGRAMMING. OKAY? That way there WON’T be any confusion and hard feelings. On my part. As I plot your deaths.

Okay. End of Rant. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Sigh. I feel better now. I’m going to go turn on MTV and listen to my iPod and pretend. Adios Amoebas.

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  1. Dori
    August 31, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    OMG My husband and I were just talking about this very subject the other night. (We were playing our favorite game of guess the song on Youtube). We were talking about all the great songs we used to listen to and the crap that is on the air now. If we want to see a great concert we have to travel halfway across the world to see actual musicians. Or we have to go to some small club when they are worthy of big arenas. What happened to outdoor three day concerts (Us Festival) where there were three stages playing all types of music. Corporate America has bastardize music so much that you don’t even have to sing to be famous. That is why we listen to satellite radio, iPods and Pandora to hear real music.

    I guess I am ranting right along with you. LOL

  2. August 31, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    American radio stations will only play what they are told to play. That is why I get my music online.
    No kidding I look on Wikipedia for possible bands to listen. Sounds weird, but you type a genre of music you like and they will have a list of bands. Check out their entry, some will have music. Then do a search for their site or youtube videos.
    Because of this most of my MP3 is Finnish metal (a great place to find out about these bands is http://www.metalfromfinland.com/)
    American seems to have lost the metal edge. The northern Europeans and other countries are coming out with some amazing stuff. Stuff that will never be played on the radio here.

  3. September 1, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Two words. Pandora and Satellite. The only place other than my iPod Iisten to music.
    Satellite is worth every penny.
    And Sean? Martha Quinn is on 80’s on 8.
    cmr

  4. Nathalie
    September 1, 2011 at 8:58 am

    You couldn’t have said it better. It’s so bad, I haven’t even bothered to preset radio stations on my car stereo.

  5. September 1, 2011 at 11:17 am

    I LOVE Pandora for just this reason. I don’t want to hear stupid jokes, celeb stories, or a long list of local garage sales, I want to hear music. So my phone is loaded with Pandora and I play it all the time. It makes me happy.

  6. September 1, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Not much to add to that except right the F**k on dude! I had to start listening to the oldies station just to find an F’n station that had, gee i dunno, actual F’n SONGS playing!!! Whew, sorry, ya got me all fired up.

    Rock on.

  7. Scott
    September 2, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    I use my iPod. I only have about 8000 songs in iTunes, loaded almost exclusively from my own (and occasionally a friend’s) CDs. I’ve converted a few LPs from the 70’s (local Chitown bands for the most part) so I have some stuff that no one really knows. I have one iPod playing over the office PA, another smaller one with about 1000 songs in the car. I don’t seem to get too tired of them, and when I get new stuff, I dump it into the iPods and listen as it comes up. Beats the heck out of FM radio, even with access to a few pretty decent Chicago stations…

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